**Note: Details including locations, names, ages, initials, genders, height, weight and other details have been changed to maintain confidentiality of patients and protect staff.
In my day job I work in health care and I am here to tell you that truth IS stranger than fiction.
If I was to write about some of the people and incidents I have come across in my day job people would scoff and say, "That's ridiculous! Impossible! NOBODY would do that!"
To which I would say, "Oh, ya? Well, I didn't make that one up. It really happened."
Only nobody would believe me. I know it. I don't write about the nutty things people have done, including staff, because some of them know where I live. And they're a bit scary.
There was a staff member obsessed with smells. Bad smells. Smells from wounds. Smells from poo. Uh huh. He would seek them out. If he heard someone had 'explosive diarrhea' he had to go to that room and have himself a good sniff. What IS that?!!
He sometimes went into a trance like state if people were talking about something that might smell. I saw him go into this trance state one day when two nurses were talking about dressing a large abdominal wound. His jaw went slack, his eyes glazed over and his shoulders slumped as he sat staring at them until he asked, "Did it stink?"
"WHAT?!" One of the nurses asked and then said, "We aren't talking to you!"
Yup.
Then there are the patients, such as the young woman who pretended to faint on the street. Traumatized passersby would summon the ambulance and in she would come. She came in one day and one of the nurses looked at me, who hadn't experienced one of her visits before, and whispered, "Watch this." And she lightly flicked our 'patient's' eyelash, causing a flinch.
Later, I heard the patient, in a room near the desk, moaning and laughing alternately...ten seconds of moaning...ten seconds of laughing...again and again...
But the weirdest thing was how she left emergency every time. This was a very tall woman, close to six feet. Her short boyfriend would come to pick her up, he was about five four. And he would PICK HER UP, LITERALLY, AND PIGGY BACK HER HOME!
The boyfriend didn't speak English and one of the funniest things I've ever seen was the emerg doctor, the really good looking one all the young ladies would call for, pointing at her and then making little walking movements with his fingers and saying over and over, "She can WALK! SHE. CAN. WALK! SHE CAN-oh, forget it! I need a coffee!"
Uh huh.
There was the young jock who had a ski accident and didn't want us to cut off his pants. He really didn't want us to cut off those pants. We had to. He had a banana taped to his leg. Looked impressive under the spandex.
Ya.
There was the guy who wanted a male doctor because he accidentally sat on a vibrator and couldn't get it out and it was running inside of him during his thirty minute drive to our hospital and was still running when the doctor, a female, plucked it out. I heard the racket it made skittering across the metal tray it was set on. It skittered around on there for quite awhile. There weren't many volunteers to shut if off.
Sweet.
There was the forty something woman who appeared to be an ex-hippie (hey I liked hippies). I tried to check her into emergency and one of the questions stopped her. She didn't know where she worked, "It's those A-frame chalets, the first ones on Harvey Heights street or road." Then she wouldn't tell me her occupation, insisting she was a student even though she had just told me she worked in '...those A-frame chalets on Harvie Heights street or road...' Apparently, she was embarrassed at working in housekeeping, but there's no shame in that, I've done my share of cleaning jobs over the years.
It went downhill from there though I was my usual friendly self. I asked a question that infuriated her: "Do you have a family physician?"
"You can't ask me that!!"
"I can't?"
"I know my rights and that is confidential information!"
"No, it's not."
"Why do you want to know anyway?"
At this point my sunny disposition had dimmed considerably (there were many circuitous questions and answers I've left out in the interest of brevity) so I said, with a bit more force than perhaps I should have, "In case you get hit by a BUS and can't SPEAK for yourself!"
That sent her over the edge and out of her mouth came words I had never heard from a patient before, or since: "Are you trying to wreck my Karma?"
Oh, boy.
The upshot was I waited a few minutes after sending her back to the charge nurse and then I called the charge and said, "Hey, Karen, how are things back there?"
"Oh, just peachy."
"Having fun?"
"Oh, yes."
"It's not that patient I just sent you is it?"
"Oh, yes. She wants to see the doctor she saw here six months ago. She doesn't know that doctor's name but that day six months ago that doctor was wearing a really nice red dress. She wants that doctor."
Not five minutes later I saw the patient walk out in a huff and called back, "What happened?"
"She didn't want to see Dr. L because of her accent. She figures she got her degree by mail order in the Caribbean."
Wow.
And, you know something? If I were coming into emergency on a stretcher after a serious car accident who is the one doc I'd really like to see working that day? Yes. Dr. L. Accent and all.
So, there are a few 'stranger than fiction' truths for you.
And, the final truth?
Health care is a great place for writers to work. Not just because of the 'grist for the mill' but because, honestly, it's very rewarding.
Thanks for visiting.
Here's the Amazon link to my book which is COMPLETE fiction!
http://amzn.to/PAzwmP
And here's the link to the paperback version if you prefer paper, which I understand.
http://www.lulu.com/shop/diane-l-randle/spectral-witness/paperback/product-20411594.html
And finally, here's the good old Smashwords link! Good old Smashwords.
http://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=spectral+witness
